The Blank Page
My Toastmasters Icebreaker: Struggling to get anything written down, I decided to address that very struggle.
I have been seriously struggling to write this icebreaker.
Not because I don't have anything to share -- I have too much to say!
I have thought about what to say while driving, working out, playing the piano, and, the worst, trying to sleep. I have soicited advice from multiple people on what to talk about, but every time I sit down to write something, I just stare at a blank page, it just stares back at me accusingly, ripe with expectations. I could not decide what mattered most, either to me or to an audience, and I struggled to hold onto a single idea long enough to structure a speech. And as the delivery date closed in on me, I realized that the struggle itself was the subject most important for me to address.
I do not think I have a problem doing hard things. I struggle when I have to decide what matters, create the structure, and take the first step, all at the same time.
Machu Picchu
Now give me a trip to plan and I come alive. I recently put together a solo trip to Machu Picchu in two weeks before embarking -- flights, airbnbs, trains & buses, tours, and two separate tickets into Machu Picchu proper. It was complicated. I love complexity! But it wasn't open-ended.
Machu Picchu was the anchor, i set the dates, and then painted in the lines. Every decision simply created the next decisions -- like falling dominoes.
INCUP
With my extreme ADHD, I have found a framework, INCUP, which is just an acronym for the things that are required to keep my focus:
- Interesting
- Novelty
- Challenge
- Urgency
- Passion
My trip to Machu Picchu had all five! But a blank page has none of that! A blank page is not really empty -- at least not for me. It is crowded with expectations. It expects me to choose a topic, scope, structure, first sentence and ending BEFORE I have gotten out a single word!
And when it can go anywhere, I tend to go NOWHERE.
I saw a similar pattern in table topics. I stood up with the prompt and a simple, one-sentence answer in mind -- out come that sentence, looked out at the room, and froze. It wasn't that I had no thoughts. Too many possible pathways ran through my head and I could not figure out which one mattered - to me or more importantly to the people looking at me expectantly or even to hold on to even one idea randomly long enough to give it a beginning, middle, and an end.
But that moment did not tell me to give up on speaking -- it told me the exact reason why I was here at Toastmasters.
I joined because I want to learn to take an idea from a the crowded space in my head, give it shape, and communicate it clearly enough that someone could follow it - hopefully be impactful. I want enough faith in my own voice to begin before every word is perfect.
For me that is a major part of longevity -- not just adding years to my life but adding LIFE to my years:
- Staying curious
- Strong enough to move
- Creative enough to make music
- Present enough to connect, contribute, and serve the people I love
So I am learning not to solve the whole page before I begin. I need one idea, one route, one next step, and enough FAITH in my own voice to make the first mark.
Today, I declare this speech to be my first MARK.
